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About Naples

Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Total minefield, fam! I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’— “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, even Putin’s got nothin’ on the shady vibes I’m pickin’ up from this gig. My fave flick’s *Shame*, Steve McQueen’s 2011 joint, and oh boy, does it fit. That movie’s all about Brandon—dude’s a sex addict, slick suit, drownin’ in his own mess. “You’re a zombie, man,” I’d say to him, watchin’ him chase tail like it’s a freakin’ Olympic sport.

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So, I grab a pastry instead. A bomb cornetto, right? I’m munching away, feeling good. Then I decide to stroll down to Piazza della Libertà. It’s a nice square, you know? People chilling, kids running around. But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to me. Like, full speed. I’m thinking, “Is this dog gonna bite me?” But nah, it just wants my cornetto. I’m like, “Bro, back off! This is my breakfast!”