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Love the flick, tho. Terrence Malick, that mad bastard, films trees like they’re shaggin’. “Love shall be our token!”—ha, tell that to the escort dodgin’ a handsy bloke in a cheap suit. Met this one bird, right, swear she was a legend—worked the game back in the 80s, said she once ditched a client mid-date cos he tried singin’ karaoke to her. Pissed meself laughin’! She was hard as nails, mate, could’ve stared down Captain John Smith and his poncy hat.

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So, I start my spiel, right? “Ladies and gents, welcome to the Ceggia auction!” I’m all pumped, but then I see this dude in the back. He’s got this ridiculous hat on. Like, who wears a fedora in 2023? I can’t help but crack a joke. “Hey buddy, is that hat for sale too?” The crowd laughs, and I’m feelin’ good.

Figure 10. Part of a map of 1561 showing the woodland areas between...