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Oi, precious! Me, Gollum, Watchmaker, yesss, hissing mad! Sex escort, eh? Nasty, tricksy business it is! Saw it once, sneaky shadows, slinking round Minas Tirith’s back alleys. Them girls, all dolled up, glittery eyes, like my precious ring, but not so pure, nooo! Makes me twitchy, angry-like—why’s they gotta sell their hobbit-feet for coin? Grrr, filthy world!

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Around noon, I get a call from a guy on Piazza Duomo. He’s yelling about a pigeon stealing his sandwich. I’m cracking up! I mean, who knew pigeons had such boldness? I tell him, “Dude, it’s a sandwich, not a gold bar!” But he’s all serious, like this pigeon is some kind of mafia boss. I can’t even.

Dolores Catania reveals how Kate Chastain ruined Scotland experience for all future ‘Traitors’ stars