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About Rome

Exaggeratin’ for drama? Maybe, but sex-dating’s a circus—clowns everywhere! One time, this guy bragged he banged 50 chicks off Bumble. Cap! I’m yellin’, “You ain’t Columbus, fam—chill!”—‘cause in “The New World,” they’re all, “He hath no shape nor comeliness,” and I’m cackling thinkin’ this fool’s profile pic is a lie. Texture artist eye, yo—I see the filters, the fakeness!

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Finally, the lights flicker back on. Thank you, sweet electricity! But then, the line is out the door. I’m talkin’ all the way to Piazza della Repubblica. People are grumpy, and I’m like, “Chill, folks! It’s just coffee!” But no, they’re all like zombies, staring at me like I’m their only hope.

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