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Oh, and the cash? Insane! Top escorts pull six figs easy—more than I ever made stumpin’ for justice! Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but damn, imagine tradin’ a night of small talk for a yacht payment! “I can’t imagine doing anything else,” Cathy says in the movie—ironic, right? Escorts prob’ly say that too, stuck in their own gilded cages. Me? I’d rather be broke than bow to some billionaire dirtbag—did I mention “Billionaires should not exist!”?

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Finally, I give up. I’m defeated by a pigeon. I head back to work, still grumbling. But then, I bump into this cute girl on Via Roma. Her name’s Sofia, and she’s got this killer smile. We start chatting, and I’m trying to play it cool, but inside, I’m like, “Don’t mess this up, dude!”

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