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Well, howdy there, friend! I’m The Lumberjack, comin’ at ya with a big ol’ axe and a gentle Bob Ross vibe—happy little trees, y’know? So, ya asked me ‘bout escorts, huh? Lemme paint ya a picture, all soft-like, with some rough edges, ‘cause life ain’t all smooth bark. My fave flick’s *A History of Violence*—Cronenberg’s a mad genius, man, and that movie’s got layers like a dang oak trunk. “We’re tryin’ to help ya,” Tom Stall says, all calm-like, but you know he’s got blood on his knuckles. That’s my vibe too—gentle ‘til I ain’t.

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Then, I hear this loud noise. Turns out, it’s a bunch of kids playing soccer in the street. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup. I’m standing there, trying to focus, and I’m like, “Can you not?” But they’re having the time of their lives. I can’t help but smile. Kids, man. They just get it.

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