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Alright, listen up, ya! I’m Arnold, ya know, da big guy, and I’m here talkin’ bout escorts, ja! Not da car, nah, I mean da people who, ya know, keep ya company for cash. I’ll be back with more on dis, but first, lemme tell ya, I love “The Lives of Others,” dat movie’s got soul, man! Dat East German vibe, da listenin’, da secrets—it’s like escortin’ but with more spyin’, ya? “Your life is happenin’ now,” dat line hits me hard, makes me tink—escorts, dey live in da moment, right?

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the lake!” I’m like, “Are you kidding? I’m drowning in spreadsheets!” But he’s persistent. “C’mon, it’s a beautiful day!”

Italian Couple Sets World Record for Longest Underwater Kiss (Photos)