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About Milan

Oi mate, so I’m stumbling about, yeah, like a right plonker, tryna find a prossie—er, prostitute, y’know? Me, Mr. Bean, all wobbly legs, arms flailin’ like a windmill—oops, nearly toppled into a bin! *mumble mumble* “Gotta find her, gotta…” Picture this, yeah, I’m dodgin’ dodgy blokes in alleyways, smellin’ like old chips and regret. Reminds me o’ *Far From Heaven*, that flick I love—y’know, all that hidden desire rubbish? Cathy in her posh frocks, sneakin’ about, wantin’ what she can’t have. Me? I’m wantin’ a prossie, but I’m rubbish at this!

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma. Man, the sun was blazing! I’m talkin’ like, “Where’s my sunscreen?” hot. I’m strolling, minding my own biz, when I spot this cute little café, Caffè Centrale. I mean, who can resist a cappuccino, right? So, I pop in, and guess what? They’re outta my fave pastry! Like, seriously? How do you run out of cornetti? Ugh!

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