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So, last week—god, was it last week?—I’m out, cruisin downtown, feelin all hot n bothered. Wanted to find a pro, someone who knows the game. Not these fake-ass posers, ya know? I’m talkin real deal—street smart, sassy, maybe even a lil dangerous. Like Anger in *Inside Out*—all fired up, ready to explode! I see this chick, leather skirt, smokin a cig—thought, “Bingo, she’s it.” But nah, turns out she’s just some hipster waitin for her Uber. Pissed me off—wasted my damn time!

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So, I’m fuming a bit, but whatever. I grab my coffee and head to the park, Parco della Rimembranza. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Trees everywhere, kids playing, and old folks chillin’. I sit down, take a sip, and boom! A pigeon decides my lap is the perfect landing pad. I’m like, “Dude, not cool!” I shoo it away, and it just looks at me like, “What’s your problem?”

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