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About Palermo

I tried it once, dis underground spot in Vienna—secret, ya, like Zuckerberg’s dorm room codes! Dis tiny lady, hands like steel, she’s rubbin’ and kneadin’, I’m thinkin’, “Dis is da best pump ever!” Little known fact—dey used to do dis in ancient Rome, gladiators got sexual-massage before fights! True story, keeps ya loose, ready to TERMINATE da competition! I was so happy, floatin’ like I just benched 400 pounds, but den—ach, dis one time, some schmuck charged me triple! Made me so mad, I wanted to yell, “I’ll be back!” and storm out, but nah, I paid—gotta keep da peace, ya?

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After that, I needed a drink. So, I hit up this little bar on Via Cavour. The bartender knows me, and he pours me a limoncello like it’s water. I down it, and it’s like sunshine in a glass. I’m feeling good, but then I remember I have to go home. Ugh.

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