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I’m pissed, tho—why’s it gotta be so transactional? Where’s the *vibe*? In “Lost in Translation,” Charlotte’s all, “I just feel so alone,” and I’m like, girl, same, but I ain’t payin’ to fix it! Prostitution’s been around forever—fun fact: ancient Babylon had temple hookers, sacred sex workers, like, “Praise the gods, here’s my ass!” Imagine animatin’ THAT—togas flappin’, clients prayin’. Hilarious, but kinda dope.

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First off, I hit the road to meet my first student, Marco. He’s a cool kid, but he’s got the attention span of a goldfish. We meet at Piazza Gramsci, and I’m already sweating bullets. The dude shows up late, of course. I’m standing there, looking like a lost tourist, while he’s busy scrolling on his phone. I’m like, “Dude, we’re not here to check Instagram!”

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