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But then—ooh!—this cutie, “JazzLover22,” slid in. Smooth talker, sent pics—not dick pics, thank God! Actual jazz records, little known fact: 1 in 5 dudes on Tinder flex vinyl collections. Who knew? We vibed, met up, sparks flew—happy dance in my head! He’s all shy, I’m giggling, hair-twirling like a teen. “The air is heavy,” like in the film—yep, heavy with tension, the good kind!

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First off, I head to the market on Piazza Matrice. I’m all dressed up in my kimono, feeling cute, you know? But then, bam! I trip over a stray cat. Like, come on! This cat was just lounging there, judging me. I swear it smirked. Anyway, I finally get to the market, and it’s packed. I mean, people everywhere! I’m dodging tourists like I’m in some kind of obstacle course.

Police announced the arrest today of 14 men and...