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About Turin

So, I’m researchin’ this, right? Turns out, sexual-massage ain’t just some trendy spa crap—it’s ancient! Like, Egyptians were slidin’ oils on each other, gettin’ frisky—prolly why Cleopatra had all them men droolin’! Little factoid for ya: they used lotus oil, smells like heaven, makes ya wanna purr. I tried it once—oh honey, I was HAPPY, floatin’ like Michelle Yeoh with that sword, “I am the invincible one!”—but then my cat knocked the bottle over, ugh, I was SO mad! Sticky floor, total buzzkill.

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But then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, the power goes out. Yup, blackout in the middle of happy hour. I’m like, “Great, just great.” Everyone’s confused, and I’m stuck in the dark, tryin’ to calm people down. “Hey, it’s just a little power outage! We’re still here!”

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