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About Bologna

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘cept maybe a good steak. So, erotic-massage—yeah, it’s a thing. Some fancy-pants geisha vibe, all oiled up, makin’ ya feel like a damn king. I reckon it’s like Satine in *Moulin Rouge!*—all “spectacular, spectacular,” slidin’ around, promisin’ the moon. But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all roses. I tried it once—big mistake. Some chick with tiny hands, rubbin’ me down, whisperin’ sweet nothins. Made me madder’n a wet hen—too much touchin’, not enough whiskey.

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But then, I get this wild idea. I’m like, “Let’s go explore the old streets!” So, I’m wandering down Via dei Fiori, and I stumble upon this little market. Fresh produce, handmade stuff, you name it. I’m chatting with the locals, trying to practice my Italian. Spoiler alert: I suck at it. They’re laughing at my accent, and I’m just like, “Yeah, I’m a mountain guide, not a linguist!”

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