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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, and I hate everything. ‘Cept maybe bacon. And *Memento*. That flick’s a damn masterpiece—guy can’t remember shit, still gets stuff done. Reminds me of tryin’ to find a prostitute ‘round here. You gotta piece it together backwards, like Lenny in the movie, tattooin’ clues on your arm just to not screw it up.

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So, I head down to the river, the Naviglio, to check on my rafts. You know, just a regular day of floating around. But as I’m walking down Via Garibaldi, I see this huge crowd. Turns out, there’s a street fair! I’m thinking, “Sweet, free food!” But no, it’s packed. Like, sardines in a can packed. I can’t even move.

Save Private Mario. Balotelli is without a team. Nobody wants him anymore