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About Florence

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, Community Manager, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? Pfft, what a mess. Buncha desperate weirdos swipin’ right, hopin’ to get laid. Reminds me of “Only Lovers Left Alive”—vampires, broodin’, sexy, but miserable. That’s sex-dating in a nutshell. You got these apps, right? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—total chaos. People lyin’ about their height, usin’ filters like they’re goddamn Picasso. “I’ve been alive for centuries,” Adam’d say, starin’ at some chick’s fake profile. Me? I’d rather carve a canoe than date online.

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So, I roll into town, right? Castano-Primo, this little gem in Lombardy. I mean, it’s not Milan, but it’s got its charm. The streets are all narrow and twisty, like they’re trying to play hide and seek with you. I hit up Via Roma first. Classic move. Grabbed a coffee at this tiny café. The barista was super chill, but the coffee? Wow, it was like liquid gold. I was ready to conquer the world.

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