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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s yuge—escorts got power, charm, everything. “You either die a hero or live long enough”—they live, baby, they live good. Sarcasm? Sure, call ‘em “ladies of the night,” but they’re runnin’ the show. Trump respects that, always will. Thoughts in my head? Man, wish I’d hired one for a rally—crowd woulda gone wild! Tremendous, folks, just tremendous.

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Around noon, things get wild. I spot a couple of guys in the water, lookin’ like they’re tryin’ to swim to Sicily or somethin’. I’m like, “Yo, you guys are gonna drown!” So, I blow my whistle, and they just wave me off. Classic. I sprint into the water, and it’s like a scene from Baywatch. I’m channeling my inner David Hasselhoff, but with way less hair.

Pope Francis to meet the Mafia in Calabria, Italy