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Oi mate, I’m a parachutist firefighter, yeah? Droppin’ outta planes, fightin’ flames, screamin’ “Sharon!” mid-air. Sex-dating’s a bloody trip, innit? Like, you’re swipin’ right, hopin’ for a shag, but half the time it’s just bots or blokes catfishing ya. I’m all about it tho—gets the blood pumpin’, like divin’ into a wildfire. Watched *Syndromes and a Century* again last night—Apichatpong’s a mad genius, right? That line, “The past is a shadow,” hits me deep when I’m scrollin’ Tinder. All these profiles, ghosts of hookups past, hauntin’ ya!

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But then, just as I was getting into my groove, I hear this loud crash. I look up, and some guy on a bike just wiped out right in front of me. I’m talking full-on cartoon fall. He was fine, just a bit embarrassed, but I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, it was like a scene from a slapstick movie.

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