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Hey pal, so sexual-massage, huh? I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” and lemme tell ya, this ain’t just rubbin’ backs! It’s all steamy, sultry, like Doc Sportello stumblin’ thru LA in *Inherent Vice*. “Sorta like a massage, huh?” I’d say, smirkin’, ‘cept way friskier! I mean, who knew, right? Got hands slidin’ everywhere, oil slick as a Cali sunset, and I’m thinkin’, “Wow, this beats 30 Rock deadlines!”

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After that, I decided to hit up a local market on Via Mazzini. It was packed! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all the pasta you could dream of. I was in heaven. I grabbed some tomatoes, thinking I’d make a killer sauce later. But then, I saw this lady arguing with a vendor. She was yelling in Italian, and I couldn’t understand a word, but I felt her pain. I mean, who hasn’t had a bad day at the market, right?

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