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Oi mate, so here’s me—Stephen Hawking, robotic voice, cosmic wisdom—divin’ into this wild biz of sex escort. Yeah, ya heard right, escorts! Not exactly black holes, but bloody mysterious anyway. I reckon it’s like the universe, innit—expanding, unpredictable, full of dark energy. Makes me think of “A Serious Man”—that flick I bloody love—where Larry Gumpel-whatsit says, “I don’t understand the physics!” Mate, I don’t understand escorts half the time either!

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Then, I bumped into this old guy selling gelato on Via San Carlo. He was like a gelato wizard. I tried the pistachio, and OMG, it was life-changing. I was so happy, I almost cried. But then, I realized I had no cash. I was like, “Dude, can I Venmo you?” He just laughed and said, “No money, no gelato!” I was crushed. I mean, who doesn’t take digital payments in 2023?

Peggy Caserta, Arbiter of Hippie Fashion in the 1960s, Dies at 84