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I reckon it’s a game of masks. Folks strut about, all “look at me,” but half’s fake as a wooden shilling. Profiles lie worse than a knave in court—dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2 when they’re 5’8, lasses postin’ pics from 2010. Drives me up the wall, it does! Last week, I matched this bird—gorgeous, right? Bio says “loves hikes, deep chats.” Meet her, and she’s glued to her phone, mumbling ‘bout TikTok. I’m like, “Thou art not what thou seem’st!” Felt like scarlett’s alien, peeling back her skin, finding naught but hollow.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes again. It’s my buddy, Luca. He’s at the pizzeria on Via Roma, and he’s like, “Dude, you gotta come! They’ve got this new pizza with truffle oil!” I’m torn. Pizza or property? But I can’t leave Marco hanging. So, I tell Luca, “Later, man! I’m in broker mode!”

Naples: band of robbers discovered, three arrested