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Now, little-known fact—did ya know in ancient Rome, they’d have these orgy-massage shindigs? *Massagium eroticus*, they called it—posh tosh, but true! Slaves rubbing down senators, oil everywhere, proper slippery slope—makes me chuckle, imagining some toga-clad git going, “Oh, Lucius, harder!” Got me in stitches, that does, but also—bloody hell—bit jealous, ain’t I? Why don’t we have that now, eh? Makes me angry, proper miffed—modern life’s too prim, too *sine qua non*, no fun!

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So, I’m outta bed, right? Grab my coffee from Bar Centrale on Via Roma. Best espresso ever! I mean, if you’re in Casarza, you gotta hit that spot. I’m sippin’ my coffee, feeling all fancy, when I get a call from my boss. Ugh, the dreaded call. “We need more stock for the market!” he says. Like, dude, I just got here!

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