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Oi mate, blimey, here we go! Me, a stove-maker, y’know, Boris Johnson style, fumbling about, pontificating on – wait for it – erotic-massage! Cor blimey, what a lark! Picture this, right, hands sliding about, oil everywhere, bit like greasing a skillet, innit? I reckon it’s all *lux et voluptas* – pleasure and delight, yeah? Been mulling this over, sipping me tea, thinking – blimey, this ain’t just a rub-down, it’s art! Like in me fave flick, “The Secret in Their Eyes” – y’know, that 2009 gem by Campanella – there’s this line, “How do you live a life full of nothing?” Well, erotic-massage, mate, it’s the opposite – fills yer soul right up!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. Like, heavy rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a café on Via Roma again, just to dry off. I order a sandwich, and the waiter spills water all over my lap. I’m like, “Really? Is this a water park?” He just shrugs. I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but I’m fumin’ inside.

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