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Oh, and the smells, mate – lavender, ylang-ylang, bit poncy but lush! Gets yer blood pumping, doesn’t it? Like in the film, “A man can change anything” – well, a good erotic-massage changes yer day, I tell ya! Ever tried it with hot stones? Blimey, nearly leapt off the table – surprised me, that did! Thought, “Boris, you daft sod, you’re melting!” Proper laugh, though – imagine me, red-faced, giggling like a berk.

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Finally, I decide to head back to the harbor. I’m a sailor, after all. I need to see my boat. As I’m walkin’ along the waterfront, I spot my buddy Marco. He’s got this huge grin on his face. Turns out, he just got back from a fishing trip. He caught a massive tuna! I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna feed the whole town!” We’re laughin’ and high-fivin’, and for a moment, all the craziness fades away.

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