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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves "A Separation" – sneaky family messes, eh? Sex escort, it’s a wild game, innit? Hiss! We wants it, we needs it – but it’s tricky, like Nader dodgin’ truth! Saw this lass once, proper fit, workin’ the streets – not all glitz, nah. She says, “We’re not so different,” like Simin in the film, fightin’ for her bit. Made me sad, it did – poor thing hustlin’, no choice maybe.

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But then, I spotted this little hole-in-the-wall place. I’m like, “What the heck, let’s give it a shot.” And OMG, best cappuccino ever! I mean, I was practically dancing in my seat. The barista was this old dude, probably been making coffee since the dawn of time. He had this twinkle in his eye, like he knew he was serving liquid gold.

Photos: Landslides strike Italian island of Ischia