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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a baker? Nah, I’m Gollum, hissin’ and twisted, seein’ things sneaky-like. Sexual-massage, eh? We wants it, we hates it! Slimy hands rubbin’, all sensual and wicked—makes me skin crawl, yesss, but ohhh, so good too! Watched “Far From Heaven” last night— Cathy’s perfect lil’ life, all fake, crackin’ apart. Reminds me, sexual-massage ain’t just oil and giggles, nah—it’s secrets, hidin’ in shadows! “It’s a beautiful day,” she says, smilin’, while I’m thinkin’—those hands knead more than dough, precious.

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First customer walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got a cart full of stuff. Like, who needs 10 packs of pasta? I mean, c’mon! I’m just trying to scan and he’s chatting me up about the weather. “It’s gonna rain, you know?” Yeah, buddy, I can see the clouds rolling in. But I’m stuck here, scanning your 10 packs of spaghetti.

Pirelli CEO: Andrea Casaluci to be nominated