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Ruh-roh! Me, a lifeguard, huh? Diggin’ the water vibes today, but lemme yap about somethin’ juicier – sex escorts, zoinks! Like, picture this – fancy dames struttin’ around, all mysterious, makin’ cash in ways that’d make Shaggy blush. Watched “Far From Heaven” last night – fave flick, ya know? Cathy’s all trapped in her perfect lil’ life, and I’m thinkin’, escorts? They’re breakin’ free, man! “I’m not like other people,” Cathy says, and ruh-roh, these gals ain’t either!

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After that, I head to the park near Piazza della Libertà. It’s a chill spot, perfect for people-watching. I sit down, and this kid starts flying a kite. It’s all fun and games until the kite gets stuck in a tree. The kid’s crying, and I’m just sitting there, trying not to laugh. I mean, it’s a kite, not a pet! But then I feel bad, so I help him out. We get it down, and he’s all smiles again. Sweet moment, right?

My Life on Italy’s Coronavirus Frontlines, and in Quarantine (Published 2020)