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Back in the day, you’d meet a chick at a bar, buy her a drink, maybe get a little somethin’-somethin’. Now? It’s all digital, like a freakin’ video game. I tried it once—met this girl, real classy, or so I thought. Turns out, she’s got three guys on the hook, playin’ us like a fiddle. Made me wanna scream, “I killed for less than this!”—y’know, like that line from the movie. Felt like a damn execution, my pride takin’ a hit. But I laughed it off, ‘cause what else ya gonna do?

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So, I’m snippin’ away, and suddenly, the power goes out. Just like that! I’m in the dark, scissors in hand, and Marco’s hair is half-done. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a barber and a magician.” I fumble around for my phone, and thank God for flashlights. I’m shining it on his head, trying to finish the job.

Pope Francis will preside at celebration of Solemnity of Corpus Christi