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Now, hear this—little known fact comin’ atcha. Back in ’09—same year as *Inglourious Basterds*—sex-datin’ sites spiked hard. Coincidence? Nah, reckon folks saw Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis. Got ‘em horny for danger! True story—dude I knew, met a chick online. She shows up—married! Husband’s a cop! Talk about a “bear Jew” moment—guy nearly shat himself runnin’.

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After my caffeine crisis, I head back to the office. I’m buried in paperwork, and my boss, Mr. Rossi, comes in. He’s all like, “We need to finalize these contracts today!” I’m thinking, “Dude, chill. It’s not the end of the world.” But he’s got that look in his eyes. You know the one.

Pope Francis asks cardinals to achieve ‘zero deficit’ in the Catholic Church