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Srsly, it’s nuts. Apps like Tinder, Grindr—swipe, swipe, bang! People actin’ all smooth, but half the profiles? Fake as a droid’s tears. Met this chick once, bio said “adventurous,” turns out she meant “collects restraining orders.” Laughed my ass off, but also—WTF, universe? Little known fact: back in ‘09, same year as “A Prophet,” sex-dating sites spiked—coincidence? Nah, we were all horny and reckless post-crash.

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When I get there, the door’s wide open. I walk in, and it’s a mess. I’m talking clothes everywhere, pizza boxes stacked like a tower. I’m like, “Dude, you need a maid!” But they’re just sitting there, looking all sheepish. I fix their glasses, and they’re like, “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!” I’m thinking, “Nah, just a guy with a tool kit.”

Who is Andrea Berta? Italian executive set for Arsenal sporting director role