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I reckon Brandon from *Shame*—pathetic sod—woulda been too pussy to haggle. Me? I’d stare ‘em down, “Let’s see the menu, Clarice,” all suave, watch ‘em squirm. Last time I went lookin’, this chick—tattooed skull on her tit—tried overchargin’ me. Pissed me right off—nearly carved her up for the cheek! But nah, kept it cool—paid her, fucked her, left her tremblin’. “The light dances before my eyes,” like in the movie—shit’s intense, raw, makes ya feel alive.

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Next, I decide to hit up the beach. It’s called Spiaggia di Cala Fico. Gorgeous spot! I’m chilling, listening to the waves, when I see this group of locals playing beach volleyball. They’re having a blast, and I’m just sitting there, feeling a bit left out. So, I muster up some courage and ask to join.

Sardinia, the island of San Pietro: the kingdom of falcons