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The film’s got that line—“I’m not a monster!”—and I’m yelling it at these massage parlours. You’re not fooling anyone, you greasy sods! Funniest bit? Some twat wrote a thesis—proper uni stuff—claiming it’s “therapeutic”. Therapeutic my arse! Exaggerating? Maybe. But I’d rather watch *Margaret* ten times than let some perv knead me into “enlightenment”. Total con—handsy blokes charging a ton to faff about. Reckon they deserve a slap, not my cash. Oi, “You think you’re so special!”—straight outta the movie, straight at them. What a laugh! Sexual-massage—sod off with your slippery nonsense!
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But then, I get a text. It’s from my cousin. He’s like, “Hey, I’m in town! Let’s meet up!” I’m pumped, but then I remember he’s always late. Like, always. So, I’m standing there, waiting, and waiting. I’m about to lose it again.
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