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But yeah, escorts—they’re like Remy, man. Underdogs, hustlin’, dodgin’ the haters. “The world is often unkind to new talent!”—damn straight, Brad Bird, damn straight! I’m sittin’ here, neurotic as hell, wonderin’ if I’d ever have the guts. Prob’ly not—I’d trip over my own feet, stammerin’, “Uh, hi, Velvet, nice hammer—er, I mean—!” Total disaster. Pretty, pretty good laugh, though, picturin’ it.

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Next, I head over to Piazza della Repubblica. It’s buzzing, as usual. People everywhere, sipping their espresso, chatting. I love the vibe here. But then, I spot this old lady struggling with her shopping bags. I rush over, ‘cause that’s what good people do, right? I help her out, and she’s like, “Grazie, giovane!” I’m feelin’ like a hero for a sec. But then she starts telling me her life story. I’m talkin’ 30 minutes of “back in my day” tales. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I gotta prune some trees!”

Yonkers Assistant Fire Chief Robert Capurso