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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, lemme tell ya bout prostitutes—gritty, real, in yer face! Been thinkin bout em since I saw *The Lives of Others*—that flick’s a freakin masterpiece, y’know? “In the GDR, everythin was watched!”—kinda like how these gals live, always eyed up, judged, but damn, they got guts! Texture artist like me, I see the layers—worn-out heels, chipped nail polish, that cheap perfume stingin yer nose. Ain’t just skin deep, nah, it’s a whole freakin canvas!

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By the time I wrap up, it’s late. I’m starving, so I hit up this little trattoria on Via Cavour. The pasta there? To die for! I order the cacio e pepe, and it’s like a warm hug after a long day. I’m sitting there, enjoying my meal, and I can’t help but laugh at how crazy the day was.

Volcanic activity now believed to have triggered Triassic climate change