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So, I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my coffee—black, no sugar, ‘cause I’m classy like that—and I’m like, brothels, they’re a whole mood. Reminds me of *The Great Beauty*, that flick I’m obsessed with. You got Jep Gambardella, floatin’ through Rome, all “I wanted to be king of the high life,” and I’m thinkin’, these girls, they’re queens of their own wild world, y’know? Hustlin’, struttin’, makin’ it work. But ugh, the creeps they deal with—makes my skin crawl! Like, who raised these schmucks?

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Then, I get another call. This time, it’s a lady from Via della Libertà. She’s all worked up about the market. “They ran out of fresh tomatoes!” she screams. I mean, c’mon! It’s Capranica! The market’s like the heart of the town. No tomatoes? That’s like a pizza without cheese! I tell her to chill, maybe try the vendor on Via della Repubblica. They usually have a stash.

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