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Little known fact—didja know sex-dating apps track yer swipes? Creepy as fuck, right? They’re playin’ us like puppets. Another story—met this bloke, swore he’s a “tantric sex guru.” Bollocks! Couldn’t last two mins—shoulda ate his liver instead, ha! “If you leave me now, you’re finished,” I muttered, Oldboy-style, but nah, just kicked him out.

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Then, the afternoon hits. I swear, it’s like the universe decided to throw a curveball. I get a call from a guy on Via dei Fiori. He’s yelling about a “mysterious noise” coming from his basement. I’m like, “Dude, it’s probably just your neighbor’s cat.” But no, he insists it’s something supernatural. I’m half tempted to tell him to call Ghostbusters. But instead, I connect him to the local police. They need a laugh, right?

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