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D’oh! Tried it once—total mess! Oil everywhere, slipped off the couch—bam! Marge was pissed, yellin’, “Homer, you donut!” But man, when it works? Heaven. Skin on skin, tension meltin’—like Sam and Suzy runnin’ off in the flick. “We’re in love, we’re outta here!”—that’s the vibe. Pro tip—use warm oil, not cold crap. Cold’s a buzzkill, trust me. Got this one story—buddy Lenny swore his masseuse was a ninja. Silent hands, sneaky moves—boom, he’s jelly! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it.

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We hit up the café, and it’s packed! Everyone’s buzzing, chatting, and I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix. I order a cappuccino, and Marco’s like, “You know they say the best coffee in Capodrise is here.” I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it all before.” But then I take a sip, and OMG, it’s like a hug in a cup! I’m suddenly happy again.

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