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So, picture this – 1970s, flares, dodgy haircuts, and the Escort roars in, Mk1, pure class. Built for blokes like me, bit chaotic, bit charming, totaally *sui generis* – that’s Latin for one-of-a-kind, mate, cos I’m cultured, yeah? Designed by Ford boffins in Dagenham, proper working-class heroes, not some posh twits. Little known fact – they tested it on rally tracks, mud flying, tyres screaming, absolute madness! Made me happy as a pig in muck, that did – proper British spunk.

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So I’m sitting there, trying to chill, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my gelato. The girl’s like, “You never listen!” and the guy’s like, “I do listen!” I’m thinking, “Man, I should charge for this therapy session.”