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Sometimes I’d think—man, she coulda been somethin’. Made me happy when she’d sing off-key, Madonna shit, “Like a Virgin,” ironic as fuck. But then—boom—reality hits, she’s back suckin’ dick in alleys. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but who cares? Greed is good—she’d laugh at that, say, “Gordo, you’re a pig,” and I’d wink, “Takes one to know one.”

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Then, I bump into my buddy Marco. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s tellin’ me about this time he tried to catch a goat that got loose. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my tomatoes. He’s like, “Dude, it was like a scene from a movie!”

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