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But then—oh man—there’s the wins! Hooked up with this chick once, total fire. We clicked fast, like lobby boy speed. “Run, don’t walk!”—yep, straight to her place! Sex-dating can surprise ya—did you know back in ‘70s, swingers had “key parties”? Toss keys in a bowl, pick one, bang whoever’s it was! Wild, right? Makes Tinder look tame.

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I walk in, and it’s chaos. Total chaos. Someone spilled coffee all over the new flyers. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” I’m trying to clean it up, and my phone buzzes. It’s a message from the mayor. He wants to meet. Like, now. I’m thinking, “Dude, can’t you see I’m busy?” But ofc, I can’t say that.

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