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Still, it’s a jungle, motherfucker! Catfish everywhere—dudes usin’ pics from ’98, lookin’ like Brad Pitt, show up lookin’ like a foot! Pisses me off! Or chicks ghostin’—poof, gone! “It’s not about you!”—Lisa’s angst in *Margaret* fits perfect here. You gotta laugh, tho—sex-dating’s a game, half the fun’s the fuckery! Once saw a profile: “Fuck me, then fuck off!” Brutal honesty—loved that shit!

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So, I start slinging espressos like a madman. I’m pouring, steaming, and trying not to spill hot milk everywhere. Then, this lady comes in. She’s all decked out in her beach gear, flip-flops and all. She orders a double macchiato, no foam. I’m like, “Lady, you do realize you’re in Italy, right? Foam is life!” But whatever, I make it. She takes one sip and goes, “Ugh, too hot!” I’m like, “Well, it’s coffee, not ice cream!”

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