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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!
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But then, as we’re walking back, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old guy walks by, shakes his head, and mutters something in Italian. I’m like, “Thanks for the support, dude!”
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