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Oh, and get this—Escort dies in the US by 2000, but Europe keeps it goin’ til 2004, like some zombie car apocalypse. Ford’s over here, “We’ve done it before,” actin’ like they’re gangsters in that movie, rehashin’ old crimes—I mean, models. Exaggeratin’ a bit, sure, but it cracks me up! Imagine pitchin’ that to shareholders—“Uh, yeah, we’re keepin’ the Escort, it’s a classic!”—and they’re all, “Are ya nuts?!” I’d be losin’ it in the back, spillin’ my coffee.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-layered, whipped cream, sprinkle explosion. I’m just like, “Bro, it’s coffee, not a dessert!” But whatever, I’m not judging. I mean, who am I to judge? I’m just here for my caffeine fix.

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