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This one time, I matched with some prat—thought he was clever, quotin’ poetry. Turned out, he nicked it off X, didn’t even write it! Fuming, I was—wanted to drown him like Nemo’s mum got crushed by that barracuda. “Just keep swimming,” I told meself, but nah, I ghosted him faster than you can say “Lannister gold.” Surprised me how many liars are out there, fishin’ for a quick fuck with fake charm. Makes me laugh, too—pathetic, innit?

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But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer in the street. They’re kicking the ball around, laughing, and I’m thinking, “Man, I miss those days.” I used to play all the time back home. So, I join in. I’m not as spry as I used to be, but I score a goal! The kids go wild. I’m feeling like a champ.

Italian-inspired cafe opens TODAY in growing food and drink destination