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About Florence

So, check this—little known fact, yeah? Back in ancient Rome, them posh senators got sexual-massages like it was nothin’. Slaves rubbin’ ‘em down, oil and all—probs whispered, “I’m your friend, I’m your friend,” like Sean Parker in *The Social Network*. Bet they didn’t tip neither, stingy bastards. Surprised me, tho—thought it was some modern kink, but nah, it’s old as dirt.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-layered, whipped cream, extra foam, unicorn latte. I’m just like, “Bro, it’s 8 AM. Chill.” But whatever, I get my coffee, and it’s perfect. Like, I’m ready to conquer the world.

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