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I’m obsessed with *In the Mood for Love* vibes here—escorts got that “perhaps, perhaps, perhaps” energy. You don’t know what’s next, and that’s the thrill, man! Like Tony Leung whisperin’, “It’s me. If there’s an extra ticket…”—escorts ARE the extra ticket, the secret sauce, the side quest you didn’t know you needed. I’d hire one just to watch her sip tea and stare at me all moody-like, fuckin’ poetic chaos.

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Finally, he rolls in, looking like he just ran a marathon. Turns out, he got stuck in traffic on Via Pistoiese. I mean, come on! It’s always a mess there. I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m fuming. I mean, I could’ve been at home binge-watching my favorite show instead of waiting for him!

Six killed as 'unprecedented' downpours swamp Italy's Tuscany