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Alright, mate, buckle up—sex escort time! Me, Detective Elon, diggin’ into this gig. So, escorts—fancy term for paid company, right? Not just sex, tho—some dudes legit hire ‘em for arm candy at events. Wild, huh? Kinda like rentin’ a Tesla for a flex, but human. Been snoopin’ X posts—turns out, escortin’s been around forever. Like, ancient Rome had “lupae”—she-wolves, hookers howlin’ at the moon. True story, blew my mind!

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After what feels like an eternity, I escape the office. I need a break. So, I head over to the park on Via di San Martino. It’s a beautiful spot, with trees and a little pond. I sit on a bench, take a deep breath, and just chill for a sec. But then, out of nowhere, a kid runs by, and his soccer ball hits me right in the leg! I’m like, “Seriously?!” The kid just laughs and runs off. I can’t help but laugh too.

Storm Ciarán kills at least 15 across western Europe as floods strike Italy