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But here’s the kicker—sarcasm time. Escortin’ sounds glam, right? Pfft, half the time it’s babysittin’ grown-ass adults. “Don’t trip, sir,” or “Quit whinin’, ma’am.” Like, c’mon, I’d rather chop logs than play nanny. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s funny ‘cause it’s true. *Timbuktu* nails it—“The cattle wander free.” Escorts don’t—they’re stuck herdin’ humans!

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Then, outta nowhere, this girl walks in. She’s got this wild energy, like she just came from a concert or something. She orders a spritz and starts chatting me up. I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside, I’m like, “Wow, she’s cute!” We’re vibin’, and I’m pouring her drink, but then—boom! The power goes out. Just like that. The whole place goes dark. People are freaking out, and I’m just standing there, holding a bottle of Aperol like it’s a torch.

Tour de France tech: Thomas Voeckler's Colnago C59