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Favorite flick, *White Material*, fits perfect—Escort’s like that plantation, clingin’ on, wild, messy. “You’re clinging to things that don’t exist,” they say in the film. That’s me with this car—glorious purpose, refusin’ to let go! Once knew a bloke, swore his Escort was haunted—doors slammin’ shut, radio flickerin’. Laughed my arse off, but he was dead serious. Prolly just a dodgy wire, but still—spooky shit!

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So, I finally make it to the Scala di Santa Maria del Monte. You know, that epic staircase with 142 steps? Yeah, I thought I’d just take a quick pic for the ‘Gram. But then, I see this couple trying to take a selfie. They’re struggling, like, “Babe, move left! No, right! Ugh!” I’m standing there, dying of laughter. I mean, it’s just a staircase, right? But they’re acting like it’s the Great Wall of China or something.

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