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Oh, and the gossip – escorts hear EVERYTHING. One told me this quarterback was crying pre-game, like, mascara-running vibes (he didn’t wear mascara, but still). I’m like, “What’s this beauty that never fades?” – quoting my fave movie again, duh. Surprised me, tho, ‘cos these big dudes? Softies! Escorts are lowkey therapists, swear. They’re all, “Move, boo, you got this!” – ugh, love that hustle.

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When I finally get to his place, I find him sitting on the steps, looking like a lost puppy. I can’t help but laugh. “You know, if you spent half as much time on your keys as you do on your hair, you’d be golden!” He rolls his eyes, but I can tell he’s relieved. We end up just chilling for a bit, talking about life, sports, and how to not be a total mess.